rawrdrama!
Okay, so everyone knows about Dylan, right? If not, go find another rant about him. I am not in the mood to recap his importance in my life. Anyway, Friday was prom and it was wonderful! Everyone looked fantastic and it was just great all around.
I am only posting one for now. Of course, I am on the left and my lovely friends Brandon and Annie are on the right. ANYWAY, I got home from prom in a stinky mood because I have my period and I am still PMSing slightly. Regardless, I was grumpy. I wake up the next morning and there is an email from Dylan that reads:
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Dear sierra,
I am writing this with a heavy heart. I need to say I’m sorry. As many a good times as we’ve had most of it has been a lie. My whole Christian life has been a lie and I’m not who I said I was. The only things that were true were my family and were I live and that I fell in love with you. And although I owe that to going to Fca camp, unfortunatelly my ” going to camp reasons” were a lie too. For two years if lied to you about who I am. About what kind of a person I am and can’t do that to you any more. Sierra I love you very much and I know that you love me too but you don’t no who I really am. I wish you could but I don’t want you to know who I really am. I don’t want to hurt you or dissappoint you anymore than I already have.
I don’t want to say good bye but Im. Afraid that I have to to prevent you from being hurt anymore by me. I’m sorry and I still love you.
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What. The. Fuck [excuse my foul language]. So I am sitting there, my hair is all messy because I have literally just rolled out of bed. So I start to whimper and the whimper becomes full blown tears, because what I am seeing is pretty much that my first relationship was a lie. But, through tears I manage to write back an email that would sort of articulate my feelings. Sort of..
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Dylan.
if you really loved me. you’d tell me the truth.
if you still love me, you’ll tell me the truth.
but i am giving you as much space and time that you need for this.
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Which is the nice way of saying, ” You dirty bastard, I hate you. How could you?” -breaking down in tears, then recovering-.
Yeah, after I send it, I am now full blown crying. So I do the one thing that makes me feel better. I turn on the Princess and the Frog
and sit there in my bed, sniffling. Of course, I am one of those people who get those after crying migraines, so I laid there for like two hours.
Dylan doesn’t respond by 12, but I am still an emotional wreck. I am walking around the house like I had just returned from the funeral of
my best friend and I am miserable at best. However, after a nice drive to the beach with my mommy, I feel all better. I come home from the
beach at five and there are two emails from Dylan. I breathe out slowly and I open the first one.
I had to reread it two time because of the shock impact.
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Don’t be mad but you are so gullible
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Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? It was all some kind of way to see how I’d react!? Of course I am angry now, and I text my best friend Lauren who is currently in Maine for prom.
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sierra catherine:i know you’re busy, but on your way home, stop down to virginia and pick me up. i’ll be carrying a bodybag and bloody machete
“lauren’s cell”: ahahahahah. what happened?
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then I finally emailed him back, telling him that it wasn’t funny. at all.
He sent an email saying, oh I’m sorry..
Pissed and upset, I sent him an immediate response saying…
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don’t ever say you love me again. that’s such a lie.
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He responds.
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I’m sorry oh and prove that I don’t love you..
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I have yet to respond.
Am I overreacting or is my hatred for him normal? Like, I really really really want to punch him. But as I saw in my dream last night, even if I could see him and punch him, I’d fall into his chest crying and end up loving him even more. God.
Opinions?
Song of the day: Cath… by Death Cab for Cutie